My Heart Already Felt

Something was unusual that day, a strange feeling of emptiness in my heart. People around me seem to be really cheerful with excitement and were running here and there with their luggage. It was the most awaited vacation time, 29^th November 2009, first vacation after joining college. Having struggled for four months in first semester, it was the time for a little bit of relaxation. Though it was a moment to be happy yet deep inside my heart there was uneasiness. It was not that I didn’t do my papers well, I did satisfactorily well in all the modules. There was something that bothered me the whole time. Something I myself could not understand, something I didn’t have the answer for.

We were in a vehicle on our way home and there I stood lost in an unknown anxiety by the window seat. It seemed to me that something has been taken away from my life. I could sense that something was not right. My friend noticed the change in my behavior and asked what is wrong. I wished I could answer that question with honesty but only thing I could say was “No big deal just a  motion sickness”.

The vehicle halted for lunch and we went to the regular restaurant. Even the lunch was tasteless or maybe my taste buds are refusing to send the message to my brain. Now that was weird as I have always been a kind of person who used to enjoy everything on my plate. Back again by the window seat with ear phone in my ears continued my bizarre journey. With the music plugged in my ears, I was struggling to understand the reason of my discomfort rather than the lyrics.

Finally at 7:45 pm, came the end of my journey but still was I as confused as ever. At home my family was waiting for me impatiently, especially my little brother who ordered me to bring him his favorite Play station CD.  I freshened up and went downstairs where my family was watching news on BBS. Like any other parents, they asked me about my journey, exam and life at college.

After dinner, I was back in my room unpacking my stuffs when I heard a knock on my door. It was kinley my little brother, and knowing the reason why he came, I handed him with the CD. He was about to go when suddenly he turned around and said “Azhim Sonam passed away last week”. In the next minute I was before my mother as pale as ever, filled with unlimited questions. My mother as always knew my unspoken words and told me everything.

Sonam, my only best friend since childhood had been suffering from kidney failure since last two years. She was hospitalized three months ago and was undergoing dialysis and treatment, when finally she died last week. I could feel the tears blinding my eyes, my heart racing and legs trembling terribly making it unbearable to stand. The heaviness in my heart has exceeded its bar past my tolerance and there came my tears like an outburst of heavy rain.

Everything seemed clear now, I sensed the confusion inside me untangling vividly. All my anxiety, discomfort and bizarreness were because my heart already felt the lost of my best friend. So it is true that sometimes a hearts sees and hears beyond what eyes and ears can do. The very next day I was at Sonam’s house before her parents offering my sincere condolence.